Jeesh, Kids These Days

Me:  Hey, so do those cell phones actually work?
Girl 1 and Girl 2:  Yeah.
Me:  Like, when I see you both talking on them at the same time walking three feet apart you're talking to each other...over the phone?
Girl 1:  Yeah, sometimes.  [mischievously]  But I talk to this boy, too.
Me [also mischievously, unable to resist opening this can of worms]:  Oh, you have a boyfriend!
Girl 2:  She wishes!
Girl 1:  Yeah, he's really cute and...  [she chatters on about his affable qualities for a minute, with Girl 2 adding in the occasional detail]
Girl 2 [with a feminine grin]:  Yeah, and I like a guy, too!  His name is...  [see above about chattering on]
Me [amused but mostly astonished]:  Wait, how old are you guys?!
Girl 1:  Nine.
Girl 2:  Eleven.
Girl 1:  She's nine, too.
[I emphatically state my opinion on the inappropriateness of nine-year-old girls having boyfriends.  The following phrase was used:  "For goodness gracious heaven's sakes!"]
Boy listening in:  Hey, Miss Michelle.  I'm seven and I have a girlfriend!
Me [even more astonished]:  OH REALLY!  [my righteous indignation continues for another few minutes; however, its desired effect of molding young minds was clearly doomed, as I was outnumbered one fogie to a whole playground of children under the age of 10]
Girl 1 [nearly bursting with the drama]:  This one time, J.D. was like...
Me:  Wait, what's his name, J.D.?
Girl 2:  No, it's Rey-D.
Girl 1:  Like R-E-Y then a little thingy, you know, then a D.  [I think, Oh for heaven's sake--but at least the ridiculous name fits in with this ridiculous story.]  But there's this other girl Marissa she's really blond and like flips her hair and talks all flirty she's really pretty but really annoying anyway she also likes him and...
Me:  Oh, so you have some competition!
Girl 2:  Yeah and this girl Shauntay like my guy too.
Me:  Oho!
Girl 1:  Anyway so Marissa actually wrote him a love note.  [beat]  It was like 'It's really fun to be in your class, you're really funny and hot, do you wanna go out?'  [I'm thinking, Love note, huh?  Ah, to be so naive.]  But he's like whatever....  [she and Girl 2 continue talking about this other girl, and I'm not understanding half of what they're saying; suffice it to note that the pair are absolutely reveling in their drama, relishing every expression on their hearer's face.  Neither do they seem to be aware that they are not even TEENAGERS yet!  Really, it's all a game.  It's a game, though they probably don't even realize it.]


[All names are fudged for the protection of persons in question.  And after all, these tech-savvy, too-old-for-their-age young ladies could be reading this.  We must take such precautions in this degenerate age.]


I suppose I encouraged this foolishness by lending an ear.  But the fact is, I was in shock.  Gracious me, what is this world coming to?  Right now, I am an old lady sitting on the porch with my knitting, peering through half-moon glasses as the young ladies brazenly gad about the town, showing their ankles and actually going inside the young men's houses.  Young ladies never behaved so when I was one!  These new fancy girls give absolutely no thought to tradition or delicacy.  It is downright scandalous, that's what!