THAT IS THE SOUND OF A CASH REGISTER. IT SYMBOLIZES AN EVENT IN WHICH SOMEONE STARTS RAKING IN THE BIG BUCKS, ROLLING IN THE DOUGH. TODAY IT SYMBOLIZES ONE YOUNG TEACHER'S WINDFALL.
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In breaking news, on the Michelle front we have caught sight of a storm building up above the gray house on the Loop. It is a storm not of rain or wind, but of wealth. The wealth seems to have originated about the time of the phone call asking her to join the staff of a small daycare. Since then, it has built to a roar ten thousand* dollars strong, and growing. After consulting with our analysts, we can predict the dissolution of her student loans within the next two months,** and she will be moving out of her mother's basement at the end of three. This surprising development is due mainly to the acquisition of literally hundreds*** of substitute teaching jobs, which pay at an extremely lucrative**** rate. The storm has aptly been named the Debt-Crusher. And, in a wonderful stroke of Providence, this storm promises to be rewarding not only fiscally, but also intrinsically and professionally. Stay tuned for more on these heart-warming stories.
Some figures have been exaggerated for dramatic effect. However, all other details are accurate.
*four hundred **ten years ***roughly three ****ludicrous
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